Something I keep forgetting to write about is that I've been on a Segway! Last year Cathy got me a voucher for a rally day as a birthday present and last week we toddled off to claim it and have some fun and games, and boy were there fun and games.

The Segway day started off in chaos as we headed out, involving a trip back into the house for a cable for the car stereo and a petrol pump overflowing something nasty. Running a little late I pressed on and we arrived about fifteen minutes before our timeslot, and about twenty minutes before the other people booked into the timeslot, or at least the ones who turned up. The staff whizzed around on Segways while we waited, then the body armour came out. Body armour is about the only word for it too, shin pads, knee pads, wrist guards, padded vest with kidney strap and elbow pads, and the obligatory helmet of course.

Eventually we moved outside and got a brief history in Segways including the fact the Bush's famous fall wasn't really his fault, or basically it hadn't been switched on properly. We all chuckled at the fall and the safety precautions before being taken off in our pairs and told to step on under supervision. I led the way and climbed on, where-upon the Segway wobbled and danced as a look of terror leapt onto my face. Yeah, Segways are evil! Once my helper had got me to stop waggling she told me to lean forward - because when you have no balance leaning forward is such a natural thing to do. Yeah, Segway instructors are evil!

I was led up the path then told to turn and slalom back. Easy... This woman was crazy! But somehow I did it. After the first few cones she wandered off and got Cathy rolling. I didn't notice any of this because it takes incredible concentration to not balance yourself when you've never done it before, especially while turning. In a surpisingly short period of time we were rolling, maybe not like pros but certainly like people who hadn't first stepped on one of these insane devices five minutes earlier. This is the really cool thing about Segways; you step on and it's so new and different it's freaky, but you pick it up so quickly. Put someone in roller blades and very few would be whizzing around as quickly as we were on our Segways.

Next came the race! A head to head relay event bloodsport! Well, maybe not bloodsport but there was some competition happening. We whizzed off and took the lead, then slowed down and just kept it safe because we were that nifty on our Segways. A quick photo to remember how silly you look in body armour, I mean the day and we moved to the rally section.

A quick tour with the staff which looking back was somewhat surreal - six of us gliding around this little mud track like it was the most natural thing in the world. Maybe not entirely natural actually, for the slaloming and racing hadn't prepared us for the very first part of the course - a hill! The first person up almost wasn't; you have to lean further forward to get up steep slopes so the Segway stopped halfway up until the rider was convinced to lean further forward. Luckily as I was bringing up the rear I figured out to have some faith and lean which whizzed me right up. We trotted round over bumped and through puddles before arriving at the big hill. After the first hill everyone leant a bit more, but this hill was tall and steep! Everyone got a little further up each time until I just nipped up in one go.

Now an observant reader may have spotted I'm doing fairly well here and sounding confident, and I was. I think the staff noticed it too as I was sent off to lead the pack on our laps; up the hill, over the bumps, through the pudddle, and weaving around the s-bend the others kept reasonably close, but then it was the monster hill and I whizzed up again with ease and pulled away. Straight down the home straight and a quick wave to the staff as I complete the first lap, I was on fire! Starting lap two I line up the first hill, two grooves showed the way and I just lean forward and zoom straight up! At the top I discovered the grooves don't actually line up perfectly, you have to turn at the top, straight on is a banking with a tree root poking out, I slowed slightly and turned as my wheel went up, up, and lifted off the ground. Time for another observation test.

I'm whizzing up on a Segway, leaning forward, and to the left, with one wheel in the air. Anyone want to guess what happened next?

Yep, I fell. Or more accurately I dived, not onto the top of the hill, down the other side. Apparently Segways need both wheels on the ground to balance, lift one up and it can't. The further forward you lean the more the Segway gets confused until it shuts down for safety reasons. And I fly to the sound of the staff shouting "One down!" and the whole group stopping quietly behind me. Cathy was just behind and apparently it looked rather spectacular. I have no idea how far I fell, although I stopped before the pond which was a bonus, but despite all the padding I managed to feel it in my shoulder and arm, and after taking the pads off later I discovered the mud stains I'd seen earlier were joined by a nice blood stain. But it wasn't too bad so I was ready to whizz off again, except they couldn't restart my Segway so I was given the instructors instead (which was lacking the safety handles of the standard models). As everyone went by to lap me I finally restarted and whizzed off.

I was a little timid the rest of the laps, I forced myself up the hill so it didn't spook me but I didn't make as much progress as the others through the course of the laps, so when we came to doing time trials later I ended up third. There I was, the only person to fall off, covered in mud and blood. Then the last runner whizzed by in what proved to be the fastest lap time, across the line he went then he turned to come back to the group. Except he tried turning like he was on a dirt bike so he fell over the side - the Segway stayed up fine, but he just kept going straight after he'd turned it and took a tumble. Phew, I wasn't the only one!

The session was over and we were both very impressed. Good value and we'd happily do it again. I expected to enjoy a Segway rally, and despite that bizarre moment when I first stepped on one the whole thing was better than expected. We were hopping on and off with ease and confidence, we were riding around, up and down hills, through puddles that just got muddied with every lap, and getting faster. For my next birthday I don't want a Segway day, I want a Segway!