It's back and it's my crack! Yep, I can't deny it, I'm hooked on The Apprentice. I swear, if I could only watch just one TV show for the rest of my life this would be a very high contender for the job. Job. Apprentice. Oh the unintentional punning just makes it better.

I'm always impressed by the contestants ability to have so little common sense or modesty. Last night we watched them washing cars, a skill I think I was taught at about 10, and they were doing stupid things like pointing a jet wash at a car with open doors! Yet if you asked any of them they would've all sworn it was some top secret genius idea they came up with to wash the car inside and out in half the time. Until it went wrong, then they'd all find someone else to blame for stupidity.

I think the first weeks are both the most compelling and the most painful - before we get to know anyone they all seem to fall back on cringe-worthy stereotypes and roles. They also seem to have never seen the show before. Every single year these people get told to think of a team name and they seem to not have a clue, they sit around suggesting vague pompous waffle to show that they once read a book. My favourite is still a few years back when someone came in prepared with The A-Team! That was genius but he got shot down.

Although it's hard to deny the boys team always have an advantage at that stage - the girls inevitably seem to spend twice as long debating their name whilst trying not to upset each other. Man up girls! If you watch the chaps they have the same concerns but they don't validate each others every word. "How about The A-Team?" a chorus of laughter and someone suggests something in ancient Greek which means "may your vase be overflowing with prosperous wine". They get things done! Who should be the first project manager? If no-one has an ache to do it then quickly the boys team will dump it on someone and start planning. The girls will simper about how Debra seems more confident in her lipstick colouration and Jessica may have worked a relevant job for years but she just can't compete with someone who has a law degree.

It's a trainwreck! If The Apprentice teaches us anything it's that you can't put eight women who have never met each other in a room and expect anything to get done. Sure, they'll form a better team once they get to know each other but for instant results you apparently need a bunch of Alpha Males - they compete less than the women.

Anyway, I'll be hooked for the next 3 months(!) and I'm sure I'll share other insights I pick up from these business geniuses - things like, don't go on The Apprentice unless you have some understanding of selling and actually doing things. That one does seem to catch a lot of folks out so I thought I'd throw it in early.