In that glorious way of trying to justifying ones own existence Rear Admiral Harris of the US military declared the three recent suicides in the Guantanamo Bay Holiday Camp weren't just suicides, oh no, they were an act of asymmetrical warfare!

Those dead bastards!

Of course we should've seen it coming. Suicide bombings have been going out of fashion for a while now, largely because despite dying a martyr you don't get a lot of sympathy from anyone but your buddies. Now suicide asymmetrical acts of warfare, that's where the buzz is happening now. You get the martyrdom of suicide, but by not actually killing, or even being remotely aggressive, to anyone else you just become so cool. Suicide bombers are just trying too hard with there challenge to see how much damage they can cause, these guys in Guantanamo knew they didn't need to do anything like that. Just hang yourself quietly, it's understated coolness.

Obviously the Americans can spot such coolness having grown up watching the Fonz on Happy Days. They realise just how distressing it would be for one of their trained killing machines to discover a dead body that hasn't been mutilated in some way. These terrorists have probably crippled the entire unit with their suicides. It will probably force the US to withdraw troops from Iraq before they should just to make sure the Guantanamo detainees can't commit any more of these atrocious attacks on the US. Of course it'll send Iraq spiralling even faster into a pit of despair but it's the terrorists fault and don't you forget it.