My ISP are nice enough to provide spam filtering. Not just any spam filtering either, no, many months ago they started to protect us all behind Brightmail spam filters! Spam filters that Symantec liked so much they bought the company. Who can blame them really, with a mere one false positive in every million messages many are impressed. And why shouldn't they be? After all, most of the false positives are on my mail! Yes, if you're protected by Brightmail take great joy in the fact that my mail bounces false positives at a lot higher than one in a million just so you can get none!

And for a limited time only, that 95% prevention rate can also be assigned to me so you get no spam either! Oh wait, my inbox suggests that some of you have already taken up that offer. Yes spam removal is a hard and thankless job, but from my experiences as an end-user I'm probably not going to led the cries of support.

As an exercise for the reader it might be worth scanning the 'net for stories of woe relating to such matters. I'd be tempted to do so myself except my computer seems to lock up when I do CPU intensive tasks like clicking on links. Oh how I abuse my machine. Luckily when I want to do things like reading the news from the BBC I can just fire up IE; I know it's much more bloated and doesn't do the job half as well but Microsoft have obviously programmed some more of their super-secret-sneaky-tricks which means it can actually browse simple websites without requiring 99% CPU for a minute or two.

Personally I blame everyone. I've seen you all out there, lurking in the shadows and plotting my online misery. You all torment me with your tales of happiness online, and get your friends to lay traps while I'm distracted by the utopia of which you talk. It's all lies isn't it? I'm on to you. Hah! Next time you all screw this Internet thing up I'm going to use the time to make myself one of those tin foil hats, that'll stop you.